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| Friday, February 8th, 2008 | |
| 12:26 am | Incomplete Chapter 5 Title: Incomplete Author: anwamane13 Beta: galefan4ever Timeline: post-513 Rating: NC-17 Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever? Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended. Chapter 5 When Justin parked his car in front of Brian's building, he was relieved to see the ‘Vette there. It meant Brian was home. He opened the door and hurried up the stairs, taking two steps at a time, deciding not to waste time with the elevator. The loft's door wasn't locked. In fact, it wasn't even closed properly. The loft was in complete darkness, except for the light coming from the street through the big window. Justin turned the kitchen light on, and looked around. And his heartbeat seemed to stop. In the middle of the loft was a huge box, wrapped in red paper with a golden ribbon on top. Brian lay sprawled on the floor next to the sofa, fully dressed, holding an almost empty bottle of Beam, staring at the ceiling with vacant, unblinking eyes. “Brian?” he asked, tentatively, approaching his lover with a fear so deep he couldn't describe. Brian blinked twice, coming out of his stupor, and looked at him, eyes red and glazed. Justin had never, in his whole life, seeing him so wasted. “I told you not to come,” said Brian. “Since when do I listen to you?” Justin answered, kneeling beside him, seeing his face so pale that it was almost like seeing a ghost. From his red and puffy eyes, he could still see the shadows of tears. He had never seen Brian crying before. “Tell me what happened,” he whispered, running his hand through Brian’s hair. “What for?” Brian snapped, shoving Justin's hand off, and sat down. “Because I want to know.” Justin sighed. “Because I came here running like crazy to see if you were okay. Because I love you, and it kills me seeing you like this.” Brian stared at him for a few minutes, expression hard. Then he averted his eyes, took a cigarette from his pocket and lightened it. Justin waited patiently. “She was here. Of all the nights of the year, she chose this one.” he snorted. “To “wish” me a merry Christmas. Among other things.” “Who?” Justin asked, bewildered. “My mother.” Justin swallowed. He had a vivid memory of the one and only time he saw Brian's mother, and it wasn't a pleasant one. “What did she want?” he asked, not sure if he really wanted to know. Brian snorted, bitterly. “What can a saint like Joan Kinney possibly want from her faggot, going-to-hell son?” He added, “Money.” He got up, went stumbling to the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. Justin waited for him to go on, and he would do it when he was ready. Brian drank all the water in big gulps and put the empty bottle on the counter. He returned to Justin's side and sat down on the floor again. “Apparently, her dear daughter Claire is sick. Thyroid cancer. Her husband came to his senses and decided to leave her. The bitch doesn't work, doesn't have social security, can't pay for the treatment. Surgery, then radiation. Same as me. You know, cancer runs in the family.” “And what did you say?” “I gave her the god damned money, if that's what you want to know. I'm going to hell, but my money certainly is good enough for her. What else was I supposed to do?” He sighed. “The world is already so unfair to poor Joan. Her queer son survived cancer, and now her beloved little daughter is dying of it. How pathetic is that?” “Is she dying?” “Fuck if I care! She accused me of molesting her son, that bitch! I gave Joan the money and told her to get the fuck out.” He snorted again. “And that was it?” Justin wanted to know. He was worried, Michael had already told him some things about Brian's family, none of them good. “Of course not!” the other man slurred. “She had to tell me how concerned she always is about my soul, that she prays every day for me to come to my senses, yadda yadda yadda. She wishes I could escape eternal damnation and all this shit,” he added sarcastically. Justin hesitated; he didn't know what to say. Not when he had such an understanding mother as Jennifer. “I'm sure she...she worries about you, in her own way.” That was a mistake. Brian suddenly got up and started to half-pace, half stumble, completely drunk, face flushed and angry. “She worries?,” he shouted, giving Justin a sarcastic laugh. “She always had a very peculiar way of demonstrating how much she worries! Where was she when Jack came home drunk and beat me? I'll tell you where! She was getting drunk herself, locked in her bedroom! She never stopped him, never defended me, not even once!” Brian looked at Justin, eyes wild and haunted, and kept shouting. “And why the fuck would she believe that I molested my nephew? How could she think I would do such a thing? It's not because I'm a fag, believe me. She hated me way before finding out I'm queer.” He stopped against the wall, ragged breathing, unable to say anything else. He slid to the floor, face suddenly blank, and added softly; “She hates me. She always did. She wishes she never had me. And I don't even understand why.” Justin was paralyzed, unable to say anything. He knew Brian never talked about his life, and he was doing so because he was very, very drunk. And that little glimpse Brian gave him of his childhood shocked him beyond words. How could anyone endure such a life? Even his homophobic father, Craig, gave him a happy childhood, thought Justin. No matter that now he was a son of a bitch, Craig had been a good father, albeit distant. Tentatively, he approached Brian and put his hands on the older man's waist, in a comfortable hug. Brian let himself be held, breathing deeply, chin resting on Justin's shoulder. “Let's go to bed, you need to rest.” Justin said, getting up and holding Brian's hand. He gently pulled him to the bedroom and made him sit on the bed. Heading to the kitchen, he grabbed two aspirins and made Brian swallow them. Then, he took his clothes off, leaving him only with his underwear, helped him lay down on his side and covered him with the blanket. The whole time Brian remained silent offering no resistance, staring at some point above Justin's head. Justin lay down behind him, spooning his still unresponsive lover. “Close your eyes, Brian,” he said gently. “It's over. I'm here, and I'm not gonna leave you.” Brian obliged, closing his eyes and shuddering a bit. Justin stayed there, holding him, stroking his arm for a long time, until he could tell from Brian's soft breathing that he was asleep. Then he got up, picked up the phone and called his mother. “Hi, Mom. It's me. “Justin, honey! What happened? Is Brian all right? We were so worried when you left.” “He'll be fine, Mom. Some shit happened, but he'll be fine.” “Where are you?” “At the loft. Brian's asleep now.” “Oh, honey, you're missing the party...” “Never mind, Mom. I'm so relieved I came. I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't,” he sighed. “Have fun, mom. Tell the guys everything is fine, okay?” “Okay, honey. Bye, baby.” “Bye, Mom.” Justin went back to the bed and undressed, resuming his previous position, behind Brian. Next to his lover's ear, he murmured “Merry Christmas, Brian”, and fell asleep too, holding the man he loved. **************************************** Hours later, when Brian woke up, it was almost noon, and he was greeted with a wonderful sight: Justin sleeping peacefully, face inches from his own. He already had a headache thanks to the booze, but surprisingly, that was all. He tried to move but realized they had their limbs tangled, and he wouldn't be able to get up without disturbing the blond. And if he was going to wake him up, he was going to do it properly. Raising his hand, he lightly traced the contour of Justin's face, neck, torso, feeling the smooth silky skin only his young lover had. He vaguely remembered what had happened the night before, but after Joan left, he knew he went to a very dark place, until Justin rescued him. His fingers traced random patterns on Justin's skin and slowly the blond started to wake up. Justin sighed, enjoying the feeling of Brian's hands on his skin. Brian pushed him into his arms and kissed him, slow and deep, their legs still tangled together. “Hey”, he said. “Hey” Justin said sleepily, smiling slowly. “Time to wake up, Sunshine.” Brian kissed him lightly. When he tried to sit up , he winced. “Shit! I have a headache.” “Hmmm... can't imagine the reason. Maybe it was all that booze?” Justin joked. Brian grimaced. “I shouldn’t have called you last night. I ruined your Christmas.” Justin cut him off. “Did you really think I was having a good time without you there? Without knowing where you were, why you were late?” He could feel Brian was still vulnerable and needed some kind of reassurance. “You shouldn't have come, I know you like this holiday thing,” Brian said, shaking his head. “I mean, I was in a shitty mood yesterday, drank a little, and I might have said some pretty stupid things.” “I didn't come here for the holidays, Brian. I don't give a shit about Christmas. I came here to be with you. And that's what I intend to do.” “Until you have to go back.” “Do we really need to talk about this now?” “No, we don't.” Brian put his hands on Justin's waist and held him lightly. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, just feeling the other's heat. It wasn't anything sexual, just a hug, and it was such a peaceful moment, that Justin was almost afraid to move, afraid to break the spell. Finally Brian leaned back, saying: “I never gave you your present,” he half-smiled. “Oh?” “Okay, let's go see it,” Brian laughed a little and got up, pulling Justin along. “In fact, judging by its size and current location, it's a little hard to miss.” He held Justin's hand and led him to the big box Justin had seen when he entered the loft earlier. “That's for me? I thought it was for Gus.” “It's yours, Sunshine. Open it.” Justin couldn't control himself, he never could when it came to presents. He tore the paper hurriedly like a little boy, and Brian had to laugh, he looked adorable. “Oh, Brian, that's...I love it!” and Justin gave him his thousand-watt smile. “Wait until you see the software. I had it made especially for you.” Justin took some time admiring his new computer, then reading about the software. He kissed Brian hard, and then remembered: “I have something for you, too.” He headed to the bedroom and went up the stairs. “Um...Brian...did you see that brown package I brought with me from NY?” he asked, looking around. “Oh, that. I assumed it was a painting, and I didn't want the cleaning lady to ruin it, so I locked it in the closet. The key is in that drawer by the bed.” Brian answered from the kitchen, where he drank some water along with two more aspirins. Justin opened said drawer and in fact, the key was there. But he also found a little red velvet box he hadn't seen in a long time. The rings. Brian still kept the fucking rings. He took the key, opened the wardrobe and picked the painting he had made for Brian and unwrapped it. Then without a second thought, he took the little box and went to the couch, where Brian was sitting, smoking. “Here it is, the last piece made by the soon-to-be-famous Justin Taylor.” Brian looked at the painting and speech left him. It was a painting showing two male lovers, by a large window, together in a close embrace, facing each other, painted in black and blue shadows. It wasn't possible to see their faces, but anyone who knew Brian and Justin could tell it was the two of them. It was breathtakingly beautiful. “It's...I can't...” Brian was at a loss of words. “Wow Justin...” Brian kissed him, then picked up the painting from Justin's hands and put it carefully near the wall, thinking if he should hang it in the bedroom. Justin still held the box, not knowing exactly what to say about them. “Brian...” he started. Brian turned around smiling, and seeing the box in Justin's hand, his smile was replaced for a serious expression Justin couldn't identify. “You still have them.” It wasn't a question. “I thought that...after all this time,” the blond trailed off. “I would have returned them?” Brian said, shaking his head. “As you can see, I didn't. Not that I expect us to use them or anything.” he corrected. “We're beyond that.” “What, you want to torture yourself by looking at them?” “Don't put words on my mouth, Sunshine.” Brian approached Justin. “I didn't have time to return them, that's all.” “Hey, it's me.” Justin said. “I'm a genius, remember? You can't fool me.” “Fuck! Okay, what the hell, they're... a kind of...symbol. Fuck, I don't believe this...I sound like a fucking dyke already,” he hesitated. “Brian. Why did you keep them?” “The only reason I kept them is because...You take your time, do all you have to do, have the best time you can. But if you...maybe someday... we'll be able to...put all this shit behind us and...make this thing we have work, somehow. It's not because I want us to wear them. Fuck, Justin, forget it, okay? The things you make me say!” Brian closed his eyes and started to turn away, but Justin held his arm. “Brian, I-,” he whispered, emotion evident in his voice. They looked at each other intensely, no need for words. And suddenly they were lying on the bed, Brian on top of Justin, kissing and holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it. Brian was in a frenzy, kissing Justin's mouth before moving down to his neck, sucking gently as he went. Justin couldn't think properly, the whole world for him was in this bedroom, in this man holding him. He arched his head back, moaning Brian's name and tightened his legs around him, bringing them closer. Justin could feel Brian's arousal against his own, and he ground his pelvis into Brian's meeting his lips again. “I want you,” he murmured into Brian's mouth. Brian reached for the condom and lube from the drawer and coated his fingers with lube. Gently, he reached Justin's hole and inserted a finger, then two. Justin arched his back, moaning loudly and Brian's cock twitched in response. He scissored his fingers inside his lover until he felt the walls relaxing. “Brian, please...”Justin moaned again, pushing his hips against Brian's fingers. “Fuck me.” Brian positioned Justin's legs on his shoulders, then pushed into Justin in one smooth movement, not wanting to hurt him, slowly, holding his hips steady. But Justin was desperate for Brian, so he surged forward. Brian grunted with surprise and his eyes were so dark that Justin thought he was drowning inside them. Brian moved his hand to grip Justin's hard member and stroke him, his hand in rhythm with their bodies. Their rhythm was initially slow, but grew more intense. Their bodies were slick with sweat, their moans filling the air. Brian kissed Justin's neck, shoulder, and mouth, giving and taking everything he could. And their wild pace grew until Justin shuddered, moaning loudly Brian’s name, and Brian felt Justin’s cum on his hand, felt Justin's walls tighten around his cock, and then he just lost control, his whole body trembling with electricity as he came hard inside Justin. Later, Justin found himself resting his head on Brian's arm, facing his lover and feeling his warm breath as he slept with a shadow of a smile on his lips, their legs tangled. The blond sighed happily, remembering Brian's words: he still believed in them. That was all that mattered for him. That gave Justin hope in their future, even if this future was foggy now. Finally, Justin slept too, feeling safe and loved in Brian's arms, thinking that he'd just had the best Christmas of his life. |
| Thursday, February 7th, 2008 | |
| 11:43 pm | Incomplete Chapter 4 Title: Incomplete Author: anwamane13 Beta: galefan4ever Timeline: post-513 Rating: NC-17 Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever? Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended. Chapter 4 As Justin entered Babylon holding Brian's hand, the old thumpa thumpa he knew so well invaded his senses. He had been in other clubs in NYC (not too many), and basically they looked all the same. But there was something different about Babylon that made it beat all the others. This was almost an extension of his home, an important place in his coming out process, so many years ago. In this place he had experienced happiness, heartbreak, lust, victory and so many other emotions, all of them related to Brian. In fact, Justin thought, almost all of the most important moments in his life had something to do with him. As Brian entered Babylon holding Justin's hand, he remembered he hardly came to Babylon anymore. It wasn't about the club. Babylon was still the same, still the loud music and the hot guys, still the same backroom. And the guys still looked at him with lust in their eyes. In fact, nothing had changed. And that was the problem. HE had changed, and it was such an un-Kinney thought that it sometimes, just sometimes (when he let himself think about it) scared him. After the bombing, he thought he would never rebuild the club. But Michael convinced him otherwise, saying that some things weren't meant to change. So he had put all his efforts in the big reopening of Babylon, and he knew this was a way to show all those fucking homophobes that they wouldn't give up. The reopening was a big success, and everyone came. Except Justin, who was studying for his exams at NYU. After that, his life seemed to go back to the usual routine, and for a short period he convinced himself it was okay to see Justin in every blond he saw on the dance floor, or think about him whenever he heard “Forever Young”, or pretend he didn't see the looks his friends gave him every time he took a blond trick to the backroom. But he wasn't okay at all, and he knew his friends felt it. He knew they were waiting for his downfall, expecting him to drink too much, use too much drugs and have too much tricks. The old Kinney's pain management. But he refused to let them see him like this. He would not let them think he was hurting. Because he wasn't. He was okay with Justin's leaving, they had talked about that, and he didn't want them to ever blame the blond for anything. After all, it wasn't over between them. Right? And he could feel his friend's vigilant eyes at the back of his head, as if he couldn't handle Justin's absence by himself. Then, after three months he sold the club and although it was hard not to miss the thumpa thumpa, he knew it was the best decision. It was easier this way. If he was going to really try this long distance thing, being bitter about it wasn’t going to do him any good. Babylon had too many memories of the two of them together for his own good. The gang noticed that, of course, but Brian didn't offer them any explanation. Instead, he buried himself in his work, using Kinnetik as an excuse for not going to the club with his friends. After all, he still had Woody's, the baths and the other clubs. Whenever he wanted to find tricks, he knew where they were. He just preferred to do it on his own now, not in public display. They spotted Ben and Michael at the bar, along with Ted and Blake. “Hi, guys,” greeted Justin. “Look who's here! “ Michael smiled. ”He has risen from the dead, guys! What a miracle! Rage returns to Gayopolis!” Brian shot him a warning look, and Justin pretended he didn't see it. He had made a promise to himself, not to interfere in Brian and Mikey Show anymore. Well, at least as long as Michael didn't interfere in his and Brian's relationship. He just couldn't understand Brian's glare at Michael. As if on cue, the barman chose this moment to greet Brian. “Hello, Mr. Kinney! Haven't seen you here for a long time!” Brian gritted his teeth, but tried to sound nonchalant. “So you haven't paid attention to your clients lately, Jack. Two Jim Beam, please. Make them a double. “Let's dance, Michael” suggested Ben, dragging a protesting Michael to the dance floor. Brian took the whiskey and drank it all in one single gulp, then surveyed the dance floor with a critical look. Funny, but the guys looked all the same. The only one he wanted was standing by his side. Smiling at the blond, he studied him. He was really hot, and still looked like a teenager. Suddenly he wanted to feel Justin's body pressed against him. NOW. “Dance with me,” Brian ordered. Justin was led to the dance floor without resistance, marveling at the feeling of Brian's body next to him. They held each other, dancing in a rhythm of their own, losing themselves in the music and feeling the energy of the moment coursing through their veins like a drug that left them both dizzy. Justin lifted his head and Brian gave him a mind-blowing kiss, and they kept dancing together and kissing, in perfect harmony. As the music went on, feeling Justin's sweet mouth on his, Brian felt like the heat of the sun itself was right there with him, and thought he hadn't felt this alive for a long time. **************************************** Brian entered Michael and Ben's house carrying a box full of Christmas decorations, Michael and Hunter behind him with another box, while Justin closed his mother's car. Justin had offered to help Michael decorating the huge Christmas tree in the living room, while Debbie, Ben, and Emmett worked like crazy in the kitchen preparing food for all their guests. Michael was so excited about the party at his house, that Justin had to hide a smile when he asked Brian with his huge puppy dog eyes: “What do you think of my Christmas tree, Brian? Isn't it the most wonderful one you've ever seen?” “Gee, uncle Mickey, it's so big!”, Brian mocked, resting his arm on Michael's shoulders, looking at the tree. He wasn't very fond of Christmas but, what the hell, Justin was there and Gus would be in a few days for New Year’s Eve.. Some things were worth celebrating “Shut up, asshole,” laughed Michael. “It's a pity I won't be able to help you with the decorations,” he said sarcastically. “You could use some advice.” “Don't worry, I'm not my mother, Brian,” said Michael. Justin smiled at that, remembering Debbie's tendency to exaggerate “a little bit” with her decorations. Like the way she decorated the diner for Pride. “Oh, yeah. You're worse. You know as much about decoration as I know about sewing.” “Do you know how to sew?” asked Hunter, earning a glare from Brian, who said: “Really Mikey, are you sure this boy is going to college?” “We'll take care of everything,” Justin said, “I'm an artist, remember? The house will look great, I'm sure, even for your high standards.” “Well,” sighed Brian, “someone needs to work here. Ted must be queening out right now, I'm already late. Things are crazy at Kinnetik this time of the year. All my clients want to raise their sales in holidays promotions. Bye, Mikey, see ya tonight.” “Bye,” Michael said. Brian held Justin's hand and headed for the door, stopping at the threshold. He encircled Justin's waist, giving him a long and wet kiss. He was in a good mood today, after spending half the night fucking the blond into the mattress. And the sofa, the table, the floor...and the shower this morning. “So, you'll get your mother, Tucker and Molly, then?” he asked. “Yeah”, Justin confirmed. “She never came here, and doesn't know Michael and Ben very well, so she wants me to come with her.” “That's okay. I'll go straight home from Kinnetik, take a shower, and meet you here. At eight?” “Sure, that'll leave me plenty of time to finish here, go home to change and get them.” “Later”, said Brian, releasing Justin and heading for the Vette. “Later”. **************************************** Brian finished his shower quickly, humming an old song. He felt light, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Hearing Gus saying “I love you and I miss you, Daddy” made his day. And the promise of a pleasant night with his almost-family friends and Justin, left him in a very good mood. Maybe he could endure this Christmas thing, after all. He could even try to like it. He had bought Justin a new computer with a top of the line software designed specifically for him. This one allowed him to add more details to his work, and would even help him with computer animation. He took his time choosing his clothes, and opted for black pants and a charcoal shirt, both new. He knew it was just a family's party, but fuck if he would show up wearing rags. He couldn't take the computer with him, of course. It was carefully wrapped in red paper in the middle of the loft. When he came home with Justin they would have a little celebration of their own. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. At thirty-six he still looked hot. Not a single strand of white hair, and the anti-aging stuff he applied carefully every day was still doing its job. His face was still smooth. His lean and well defined body was a sight to behold, thanks to the almost carb-free diet and the daily hours at the gym. Being that careful, he guessed a few cigarettes; a little E and Special K and his old Jim Beam wouldn't do any harm. He headed for the door, grabbing his wallet and his car keys. But before he reached it, someone knocked at his door. Wondering who it could possibly be, he opened it. And his chin almost dropped to the floor. “Hello, Brian. Merry Christmas.” **************************************** Justin arrived at Michael's house at eight-thirty with Molly, Jennifer and Tucker. The other guests had already arrived. Their whole family was there: Debbie, Carl, Ted, Blake, Emmett, Drew and the hosts Michael, Ben and Hunter with his girlfriend. The only exceptions were the girls and the children. And Brian. Michael was on the phone talking to Mel. He was really upset because JR wouldn't be with him for Christmas, but they would arrive in two days, and he was already planning another party for New Year's Eve. There was a beautiful park near their house, where his neighbors were planning a show of fireworks, and the kids would love it. Justin gave Debbie a kiss and shook Carl's hand. “Where's Brian?” Debbie asked. “I didn't have time to talk to him, but I guess he'll be here soon,” he said. “We left Kinnetik together nearly two hours ago,” offered Ted. “He said he would call Gus before coming here.” “He already called them, Lindz told me. He's probably choosing the best shirt to look hot,” Michael said. “He doesn't have to. He always looks hot, Mikey.” Justin grinned. “So, Sunshine”, Debbie asked, tell Carl here everything about New York.” “Again? He already did, Ma!” Michael said, rolling his eyes. “Maybe he should record a speech and play it for everyone who asks.” Laughing, Justin started a conversation with Carl and Debbie, and he lost track of time. The house was beautifully decorated, and the Christmas tree was amazing. From the kitchen they could smell all of the delicious foods they had cooked. Everything was perfect, even the soft Christmas songs Ben had selected. The night was beautiful, and the starry sky promised an unforgettable night, even with the cold weather. Every now and then he thought why Brian was taking so long to arrive, but always dismissed his worry after a while. There was no way Brian wouldn't come. He had promised, even if just to humor Justin, and Brian never broke a promise. At ten o'clock, though, he really started to get stressed. He kept glancing at the door and strained his ears hoping to hear the Vette approaching. He could see the others were starting to wonder about Brian's whereabouts, and he couldn't stop himself from thinking: Brian fucking Kinney, always running away from family reunions. What the fuck, it was Christmas Eve! “Justin?” Michael whispered, “I'm worried. Maybe we should call him?” “I'm sure he won't like it, Mikey. He'll say I'm trying to control him, and you know how much he hates that. He said he would come and he will.” At ten-thirty he was starting to get pissed. His mother was already stealing glances at him, and he didn't know how to explain Brian's absence. Michael approached him again, a worried expression on his face. “Justin”, he said, “I already called the loft a couple of times, and he’s not answering. His cell is going straight to voice mail. Something happened, I know.” “Maybe it’s just Brian being Brian,” Justin tried to joke, but he was worried too and pissed. Everything was fine in the morning, and he couldn't imagine what could have gone wrong to make Brian change his mind. “Do you think he had an accident?” Michael asked. “Jesus, Michael, will you stop? I'm gonna call him! Okay?” As if on cue, his cell rang. He knew by the ring tone it was Brian. “Hello?” he answered hurriedly. But Brian didn't say anything. Justin could listen to him breathing, ragged breaths that made his insides turn into ice. “Brian?” he tried again. But Brian didn't speak, and Justin thought he heard a sob, but he really couldn't tell because of the music. “Brian, please...” he said, desperate for an answer, anything that would tell him his lover was alright. “Talk to me...please...I'm here...” “Justin...” Brian said, his voice cracking, so Justin was sure he was NOT alright. “I...can’t go, okay? Tell the others I can’t go. I'm sorry.” Justin's heart skipped a beat. I'm sorry? Brian was NEVER sorry. Sorry is bullshit. “What happened, Brian?” Brian didn't answer at first, just kept breathing heavily. Then he said “Nothing happened, Justin. Nothing at all.” His voice cracking again. “I'm just not in the mood for parties today, okay? Bye.” “Brian, wait!” Justin almost yelled. “What?” barked the other. “Where are you?” Brian's answer was so low that Justin almost didn't hear him. “Nowhere. I'm nowhere, leave me the fuck alone and don't come looking for me.” Fuck! He grabbed his mother's car keys and, without saying a word to anyone, ran to the car and headed for the loft. |
| Saturday, February 2nd, 2008 | |
| 12:19 am | INCOMPLETE- chapter 3 Title: Incomplete Author: anwamane13 Beta: galefan4ever Timeline: post-513 Rating: NC-17 Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever? Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended. Special thanks to my friend prilli for her precious help with the plot Chapter 3
The next day, Justin arrived at the loft at six pm, after spending the whole morning with Jennifer and Molly, and the afternoon at Michael's, working on Rage. Brian was already there, sitting on the sofa, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other, staring at the TV that was turned off. As soon as Justin saw him, he knew something was wrong.
“Hey”, he said, tentatively.
“Hey”, Brian replied, not looking at him.
“Something happened?”
Brian sighed tiredly, looking at the blond.
“Lindz just called. They won't be here for Christmas.”
“Why?” Justin asked, sitting on the rug next to Brian's legs. He knew how the brunet was looking forward to see his son.
“Apparently Mel has an important client who got himself in trouble last weekend and she's trying to get him out of jail. Probably this won't happen until the day after tomorrow, and by then it will be too late for them to come.”
“Can't she ask someone to do it for her?” Justin asked.
“She doesn't have many clients, this is one of the most important ones, she can't let him down.”
“You sound like Lindsay”
“Actually, I'm quoting her.” He got up, starting to pace. “Shit!”
“Can't they put Gus on a plane and send him?” asked the blond hopefully.
“Nah. He's only seven. Let him spend Christmas with his moms. But don't worry, no big deal, Sunshine. They'll be here for New Year. So, I guess it's okay.” Brian said, sitting down again.
“I'm sure Gus wanted to be here for Christmas”.
“I talked to him. He was crying.” Brian said, so low that Justin almost had to read his lips. “He said he really wanted to be here with me.”
Justin knew that Brian never wanted to be a father, but the minute he saw Gus, everything changed. He loved the boy, even if he sometimes tried not to show it. Justin didn't know what else he could say. So he reached for Brian's hand, holding it tight. Wanting him to know he was there if he needed him.
'So,” Brian asked, changing the subject in a way Justin knew too well, every time something was too hard for him to deal with. “Are we going to Babylon tomorrow night?”
“Oh, I wouldn't miss the opportunity to be with you and the guys, just like the old times.”
“Sure”, Brian said, although Justin thought he could detect a little hesitancy in his voice.
“You don't wanna go? I thought you'd like it.”
“Of course, Sunshine. Since when do I refuse an opportunity to get near dozens of sweaty, semi-naked men?” Brian asked, smirking.
“Hmmm...That's hard to remember.”
“Actually, I can think of something else that's also hard right now, and it would really appreciate your attention.” he said with a crooked smile.
****************************************
Justin’s cell rang at 2 am, startling him. He disentangled himself from Brian, who lay behind, spooning him, sat on the bed and answered.
“Hello?”
“Justin, it's me.” said a voice he knew too well. “I just came from Rome! Can you imagine that? Rome! Where are you?”
“I'm in Pittsburgh.” he said quietly, trying not to wake up the sleeping man beside him. “With Brian.” he added.
“Oh. Still with that loser?”
“Don't start, please.” Justin groaned. “And who the fuck gave you my number, anyway?”
“Your boss, Patricia. She likes me a lot.”
“She shouldn't have done that, we have nothing to talk about. I already told you. Why don't you just give up?”
“Come on, Justin, it's Christmas! I brought you a present from Italy.”
“I don't want a present from you.” he said abruptly.
“My, my, you're starting to sound like that asshole you call boyfriend.”
“Please leave me alone,” Justin sighed.
“Justin, I thought that, after living together, we were still friends, you know?”!
“Listen to me: we are NOT friends. We are nothing. There's not even a “we”. Goodbye,” he said, hanging up.
Sighing, Justin put the cell on the table and turned to lay down again. He stared directly into Brian's hazel and very opened eyes.
“Who was it?” Brian asked.
SHIT !
“Uhhh...” Justin didn't want to tell him, he knew the older man wasn't going to like this.
“Justin...” said Brian, sitting too.
“It was...Phillip.”
“Who? “ Brian said, sounding slightly irritated.
“Stephanie's brother.”
“Stephanie's brother. How come I never met him?” Brian asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Oh… he travels a lot. Besides, you didn't go to NY that much.”
“Right, I didn't.” Brian said, eyes expressionless.
“He lives in LA, but stays there with us when he goes to NY.”
“He stays there,” said Brian.
“And we're friends. Sort of.”
“Friends,” Brian repeated.
“What are you Brian, a fucking tape recorder?” Justin asked, exasperated.
Brian shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts, then he shrugged. “Well, if you're friends, why did you tell him to fuck off?”
“I didn't.'” Justin said, rolling his eyes.
“Well, you didn't seem very pleased with his call. And why would he call you at two fucking AM?”
“Well, he...is kind of...stalking me.” Justin admitted, rubbing his eyes. He was tired from the flight, the whole day with his mom end Molly, and the very busy night with Brian at the loft.
“Stalking? What the hell do you mean? You could have told me.” said Brian slightly annoyed.
'”What for?“ he said uncomfortably. “I knew you would be upset. You would thing the guy is dangerous or something like that…In fact, you worry too much for my taste. You act as if you think every New Yorker is a potential murderer.”
“I didn’t say that. I like New York. But you, Sunshine, think that everybody is sweet and harmless. You trust people too much.” Brian growled. Justin knew his lover’s response meant he wasn’t happy. He didn’t like the idea of Justin using the subways at night, and frankly, Justin couldn’t blame him.
Justin felt like a little boy caught doing something wrong, and he didn't like it. There wasn't anything to explain. He wasn't a teenager anymore, he didn't need to be rescued and protected. He was perfectly able to take care of himself.
“I don't have to explain anything. I told him to leave me alone. End of story,” he said coldly and waited for Brian to say something, but the older man didn’t, as always. Sighing, the blond rested his head on the pillow again. He didn’t have anything to say. Brian should know he fucked other guys but they didn't mean anything. He closed his eyes, it was so warm under the covers and...
“So. How good was he?”
“What?” asked Justin.
“Well, you fucked him, didn’t you? “
“Who, Phillip?”
“No, Santa Claus,” snorted Brian.
“Ha ha, very funny. Come on, Brian! It's 2 AM, and I don't want to talk about that,” said Justin, sitting again on the bed and looking at Brian, whose expression he could only guess in the semi-darkness of the bedroom.
“But he's stalking you because you fucked him. “
“All right! I fucked him a couple of times, then he started to follow me around. I live in his sister's apartment, I can't afford my own apartment right now. And no, I don't need your help. Shit! What did you expect? You wanted me to strangle the guy? You had plenty of “guests” here, if I remember!”
“That's different, Justin, and you know it.” His voice was calm and low.
“Sure, when it suits you, it's different?”
“That's quite simple.” Brian said calmly. “You see him frequently, fuck him frequently. I do random tricks, no repeats.”
“This is un-fucking-believable! Don't tell me you're jealous!”
Brian snorted. “I don't do jealousy.”
“Then, are you saying I'm cheating on you?” Justin asked. And to think that a few hours earlier they were fucking like horny teenagers.
“Don't be stupid. We're not together. That's alright, Sunshine. We’re not a couple, we're queers, and we’re in this mess on our free will. Shit, we don't even live in the same city! I don't own you. You're an adult, and if you keep fucking him, it's because you want to.” He snorted.
“We're not together? What the fuck, Brian…?”
“Well,” Brian went on, “It’s not as if we still have a commitment. Not a defined one, anyway. If you wanna fuck a different guy everyday or the same one, I say: go for it. I just don’t like to be awaken in the middle of the night by your... your fuck buddy... or whatever he is.”
“Shit, Brian, I just arrived! Do we have to fight already?”
“No, as long as you keep your New York bed activities to yourself! I don’t wanna know, okay?”
“Fuck you, stop being so insecure, will you? Shit, I should have stayed in New York!” As soon as Justin said it, he felt a pang in his heart.
Brian looked at him as if he had been slapped, his face as cold as ice. “Yeah, I know that. That's where you live, after all.” He murmured. Getting up, he went to the bathroom closing the door behind him.
Justin looked at the bathroom’s door, startled. He knew he shouldn’t have said that. But Brian always managed to infuriate him. He didn't know Brian wanted him to follow the “no repeats” rule. Because they had never talked about rules again since Ethan. Even when Brian knew Justin was fucking him and the fiddler, they never discussed Justin's reasons for leaving, and the blond let it be that way. The way Brian always preferred: silence, avoiding all kind of talk, only that “you're never to play violin music in my presence again” thing. He always feared Brian was insecure when it came to trusting him. And he knew too well where Brian’s insecurities came from. His childhood made him think he didn't deserve love and care. And a long distance, messy relationship wasn't helping much.
He heard the door opening and Brian stood there, looking at him.
“I don’t wanna fight. Maybe I overreacted. I do trust you.” He said in a low voice.
Justin got up and approached him, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Do you really trust me, Brian? It doesn't feel like you do.” When he saw that Brian didn’t shove him off, he hugged his lover and said, “I don't wanna fight either. Why do we keep doing these things to each other?”
“Fuck if I know”, said Brian hugging him back.
“I don’t want anything with Phillip, Brian. Or with anyone else. Sorry about what I said. You probably don't believe this, but I still see you and me as us, and I’m NOT giving you up. You gotta believe that. New York will never change the way I feel about you.”
“Justin...” Brian sighed. “You're there, I'm here. Let's leave things this way and see what happens next, okay?” He wouldn't make Justin promise anything, for the blond's own sake. And Brian's own sanity.
“So don't do this again. If you want something, you need to tell me, don't expect me to guess. You freaked me out.”
“I’m really a shit to live with, right?” he sighed, holding the blond stronger.
“Yes, you are, but I don't care. I just want one thing from you.”
“What, try to shut my big mouth?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Don’t give up on me.” Justin murmured.
Brian looked at him suddenly serious, and Justin thought he would burn just from that stare.
“Only if you give up first,” he said with his eyes shining.
“Never,” said the blond, smiling slightly. After a few minutes, he added “Let's not talk about tricks anymore, okay?”
“That’s settled, then. Are you up for one more?” Brian attacked Justin’s lips, pouring into that kiss everything he felt, everything he couldn’t say. And hoping that Justin would understand him.
**************************************** Current Mood:  contemplativeCurrent Music: Colorblind |
| Sunday, January 27th, 2008 | |
| 2:00 am | INCOMPLETE_ chapter 2 Title: Incomplete
Author: anwamane13
Beta: galefan4ever
Timeline: post-513
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language
Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever?
Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended. Chapter 2
When Justin left Kinnetik he went straight to Michael's comic shop. There were some drawings for Rage's next issue he wanted to show him. It was hard enough to keep working on the comic book together with Justin miles away, so they used all the time they could get. Michael had even gone to NY twice. They spent the rest of the morning working, and by noon, Justin's stomach started to growl.
“Whoa,” said Michael. “What do you have in there? An alien?”
“I almost didn't eat at breakfast. Just coffee and a four or five muffins.”
“Five? I don't understand that, your metabolism is very good, you don't even work out...I wish I was like that.”
“I know. At you age...” Justin smiled.
Michael grimaced “So...Wanna go to the diner? I'm meeting Ben there. And Ma will be thrilled to see you.”
“Sure, that'll that’d be great!”
The diner was full as always, but Ben was already there with a busy Debbie talking to him.
“Look who I found!” said Michael pulling Justin along.
“Sunshine!” Deb exclaimed, leaving Justin almost with no air in his lungs as she held him tight.
“Ma, let him breathe. He's turning purple!” teased Michael.
“Shut up, Mikey, you're jealous,” said Deb, planting a kiss on Justin's cheek, leaving it red with her lipstick. “Right, baby?”
“Well, he's hardly a baby, Deb, he's living on his own in the big city,” laughed Ben. “Hi, Justin, I'm glad you came home for Christmas.”
“Yeah,” said Michael stealing a slice of Ben’s toast. “This year we're all gonna spend Christmas Eve at our place!”
“That's great!” Justin said. “I assume you finished the repairs, then.”
“Oh, the house is great, you'll see.”
Smiling, he turned to Deb. “Can I have some coffee, Deb?”
“Sure, honey.”
He followed her to the counter, leaving Mikey and Ben, and slipped into the booth.
“So, Justin,” Debbie asked directly, pouring coffee into a mug, “How are you?
“I'm hungry as hell, but I'm fine,” he said smiling.
“I meant you two. Did you see him?”
Justin didn't have to ask who, because he knew Debbie so well...as Brian's surrogate mother, she was always trying to take care of him even when he didn't want her to. And Justin was grateful, because Brian took care of everyone but himself.
“We're fine,” he answered smiling a little.
“And the welcome fuck?” she joked. That was one thing he loved about Deb, she was never ashamed to say exactly what she wanted.
“Oh,” he felt his cheeks turning red. Well, HE wasn't like her at all. “He already was at Kinnetik when I arrived.”
“So early? Shit, that's early even for Brian.” she raised both eyebrows.
“He slept there.” he added.
“Oh,” Debbie said, giving him a knowing look and handing him the coffee.
Justin drank carefully, eyeing her. He had the feeling she wanted to say something, but she remained uncharacteristically quiet for a minute. He started to count down in his mind: 3...2...1...
“So, how is he, Sunshine? Tell me everything,” she blurted.
He gave a short laugh. “I should be the one to ask. You see him every day, I speak to him what, once or twice a week?”
“Well not really, Sunshine,” she said, suddenly serious.
“What do you mean?”
“I hardly see him anymore. And not just me, Mikey and the guys are always saying it's easier to snow in June than to see Brian.”
“But...”
“JUSTIN, HONEY!” they heard Emmett's voice.
The tall man held him smiling. “I'm soooo happy to see you!”
“Hi, Em.” he said, trying to sound content. He looked at Deb, but she just shrugged and said “Hi, Emmett darling, the boys are over there,” and she pointed to Michael and Ben.
“I'm already organizing the Christmas party,” said Emmett happily, dragging Justin with him toward his friends. “You'll go, right, baby? And take your boyfriend with you. You know how he hates family parties, but this year with you here maybe he'll make an exception.”
“Uhh, I don't know, guys,” Justin shrugged. “I was planning to spend it with my Mom.”
“Oh, don't worry, Justin” Michael emended “She and Tucker were invited, we knew you would be here, so...”
“And we missed you too, baby, we want to spend some time with you. If we let them, your mother and Brian will keep you all to themselves,” Emmett said.
“Well, in that case all I have to do is drag Brian to the party with me.”
“That won't be an easy task, believe me,” said Michael grimly..
Justin looked at Michael questioningly, but Emmett started to ask him about NYC and before he knew he was telling them how wonderful it was and how much he loved his work, and all about NYU and his graduation next summer.
After lunch he went to his mother's house, but she wasn't there. Molly opened the door and was delighted to see him. After half an hour with his sister, he realized he was really tired. After all, he had gone to the airport at three AM and hadn't slept yet, so he went to his old room and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.
Four hours later, he was in his mother's kitchen, happily chatting with her while she poured coffee in his cup once more, when his cell rang. He looked at the caller ID and smiled. It was Brian.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey. Where are you? I'm leaving Kinnetik right now.”
“I'm at my Mom's.”
“Do you want me to pick you up?” Brian asked.
“Sure! Wanna have dinner?” Justin asked.
“Not hungry. But we can order something at the loft, if you want.”
“Okay, I'm waiting for you.” Justin said “Don't make me wait too long,” he said seductively.
He heard Brian's groan and couldn't suppress a smile.
I’m on my way, Sunshine.”
Brian drove carefully because the streets were slippery with snow. Justin rested his hands on Brian's right thigh, making it hard for him to concentrate. Jennifer’s house was a little far from the loft, and they had at least ten minutes before reaching Tremont Ave.
Jennifer had welcomed Brian with a warm smile, but Justin could tell Brian was clearly uncomfortable, and he rolled his eyes a little when she offered him a cup of freshly-made coffee. Justin couldn't wait to get out of there, and judging from the bulge in Brian's pants, so did he. He had never seen Brian drink hot coffee THAT fast.
Sitting beside the man he loved in the Vette, Justin looked at him and said half-smiling, ”Alone at last. I thought Mom would never let me leave.”
“That's how moms are. She missed you.” Brian said simply.
“How about you, Brian? Did you miss me too?” Justin asked, his hand going to Brian's crotch. He could feel the hardness through the fabric of Brian's pants, and already his own jeans were tighter.
“Sunshine,” Brian groaned “We'll have an accident if you don't stop.”
“It's hard to behave when you're so close, Mr. Kinney,” he joked, “But I'll try to be a good boy,” and then more seriously, “It's just that...”
“I know.” Brian said softly. “Me too”.
They remained silent the rest of the way, Brian trying to go as fast as he could without getting them killed, Justin trying to control his hand that seemed to have a will of its own and kept caressing Brian's thigh.
They didn't touch in the elevator, almost afraid that they wouldn't be able to stop. Brian wanted so much to be inside Justin that he felt a little lightheaded with desire. And just the thought of Brian filling him made Justin hard and dizzy.
As soon as they closed the loft's door behind them, they couldn't wait any longer. They headed straight for the bed, discarding clothes along the way. The fuck was hard, their frantic pace growing faster at each thrust, until Brian exploded inside Justin, leaving the blond gasping for breath as Brian collapsed on his back. Then Brian rolled onto his side, Justin snuggling into his arms, feeling warm and sated. They slept in a close embrace, with a ghost of a smile on their faces.
Brian woke up an hour later with Justin's hand running over his stomach, in a soft caress he missed so much. He drew a long breath. Justin's hand kept moving until he found the tip of Brian's already hard cock. At that soft touch, Brian’s hips bucked as a low groan escaped from his lips. Justin’s own cock was pressing into Brian’s hip, hard with desire. The blond felt a surge of excitement running through him, knowing he had the power to make this beautiful man want him. He had felt that in their first night together, and even now, after almost seven years, he still felt it. He could never get enough of Brian.
Brian pulled Justin on top of him and they started to move together in silence, except for their heavy breathing and soft, low moans. Suddenly they were panting and rubbing against each other. Brian's tongue explored his mouth, his hands roaming through the body he knew like his own. Soon Justin was straddling Brian, his lover's cock deep inside him, moving like they couldn't get deep enough or close enough. Brian moaned and closed his eyes, lost in the sensation that threatened to take away his sanity.
“Open your eyes, Brian. I want to look at you when you come inside me.”
Justin's words made Brian moan louder, and he started to buck his hips against Justin's ass, getting deeper and deeper with each thrust.
“Oh, God, Brian...” Justin moaned, his clear blue eyes dark with lust.
“So beautiful, Sunshine...” Brian whispered between breaths. He couldn't stop looking at Justin, cheeks flushed, lips swollen, blonde hair falling on his forehead.” I missed you so...fucking...much...”
Justin smiled, looking into Brian's hazel eyes. They shone with such an intensity, that seemed to penetrate his soul, and he felt emotionally naked, as if his thoughts could be heard.
(I love you)
And suddenly Justin was over the edge, filled with a pleasure so deep he thought he would burst into flames, Brian's name upon is lips as he came. The sight of Justin losing control on top of him made Brian shiver and soon he was coming too, filling the condom, buried deep inside his blond lover.
They stayed motionless for a little while, staring at each other, emotions running between them, too powerful to express in words. No matter where they were, what they did with their separated lives, this was where they belonged, this felt like home.
Current Mood:  anxiousCurrent Music: Bittersweet Symphony |
| 1:56 am | INCOMPLETE - Chapter 1 Title: Incomplete
Author: anwamane13
Beta: galefan4ever
Timeline: post-513
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language
Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever?
Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended.
Chapter 1 Pittsburgh - December, 2006.
When Justin Taylor arrived in New York with thoughts of conquering the Art World in his head, he knew it wouldn't be as easy as Lindsay said. New York already had countless artists striving for a chance. He was just one more of them. Although he tried to remain free of expectations, he knew he had talent. It had to count for something.
Daphne's friend, Stephanie, had a small two-bedrooms apartment in East Village. Justin liked her at first sight. She was warm and funny, and made him feel at home. She was studying to be a writer, and Justin soon found out they had a lot in common. They became friends almost instantly.
As for the art world, the first two months were spent from gallery to gallery, his portfolio in hand, trying to find someone that would show his work. One right after the other he was turned down. He was running short of money and couldn't find neither a job nor a place to paint. On top of everything, he missed home. And he desperately missed Brian.
It was funny how different it was from the time he had gone to LA. Back then he knew he would go back home eventually, or so he thought, but when he did Brian asked him to move into the loft. He had to admit he was fascinated by LA and the movie industry, and if Rage hadn't gone wrong, God knows what would have happened. But he knew Brian was waiting for him.
Now it was a whole different thing. He had left without knowing when or if he would go back, right after hearing that the man he always loved felt the same about him. After making plans for a wedding that never happened. He had left all that for his art. This thought had a sad sense of finality to him. He tried to think he wasn't giving up his life with Brian, he was just postponing it. He only hoped Brian knew that. Knowing Brian, he doubted the man did.
Their talks on the phone were strange sometimes, full of silences, and Justin could feel Brian hesitating before each sentence, speaking carefully and trying to sound nonchalant as ever. Deep down he could feel Brian's fear, because it mirrored his own. Sometimes love wasn't enough.
But even so, he craved their conversations like a man lost in the desert craved water. Deep into the night he would tell Brian about his day, listening to his sighs and grunts of approval, and also the opinions and advice the man gave reluctantly. He missed Brian so much that sometimes he couldn't stand it, and he would go out and find a trick and pretend it was Brian. But no one could compare to him.
He started to see Brian everywhere, as if he expected the man would surprise him and show up unexpectedly in NYC. Every morning, before opening his eyes, he would roll to his side, seeking Brian's warmth, only to remember he wasn't there. He thought frequently about why he had left, and if it was worth all the pain he was feeling and causing. But Brian believed in him, in his talent, and it gave him a sense of pride he couldn't get from anyone else. He didn't know where their relationship stood in all this mess, but he loved Brian, and he was sure he was loved back. It would have to do for now.
On Brian's insistence, in his third month in NY, Justin called Simon Caswell, and was surprised when the critic from Art Forum remembered him. They met for dinner in a restaurant in Soho, and Simon, being Lindsay's friend, offered to help him. Justin thought that the critic was interested in more than his art, namely, his ass, so he made clear that was not an option. Simon helped him nevertheless. He introduced him to some smaller gallery owners, including Patricia Hart, a charming middle-aged woman who liked Justin's paintings from the start. She offered him a job at her gallery, including a small room at the back for him to use as a studio. And of course, gave him a small place at the gallery where he could show his work.
According to Simon, he had talent yes, but that wasn't enough. New York had plenty of talented artists. You needed to have something more than just talent. Simon advised him to finish his education, since he had just three semesters to go. So he transferred from PIFA to The Art Institute of New York City. The tuition was expensive, but he got a half-scholarship, and Rage was going more than fine so he and Michael had a somewhat solid income now. He was still drawing for the comic book, and talked to Michael frequently. Rage was a success, even though it never made to the big screen.
Now, sitting in the cab as he went from the airport to Brian's loft, he realized how much he missed Pittsburgh. He was glad for the Christmas holidays, he needed the break. Working at Hart's Art Gallery and getting ready to graduate in the Art Institute wasn't easy. He was painting more than ever, trying to get a few pieces ready for the graduation show. That's why he hadn't come home for almost six months. It was 5 AM and he was really tired after a flight from New York squeezed between a fat lady and a snoring bald man. Thank God the flight was a quick one.
Brian didn't know he was coming. At least, not today, he had said he would be in the Pitts on Sunday and it was Friday morning. He wanted to make a surprise, and was anxious to see him. He could picture him sleeping in his bed, naked and gorgeous as always, and hopefully alone. It'd been over three months since Brian was in New York and they last saw each other.
Two years was too much to be apart from the person you love. Justin didn't have the faintest idea of what he would do once he graduated, he just knew it still wasn't time to go back home. And Brian knew it too. They didn't talk about it, but the thought was always there between them, staining the few precious moments they had together.
After a 40 minute's ride, the cab parked in front of Brian's building. Justin typed the code, opened the door and pushed the elevator's button. At the fourth floor, he grabbed the key and opened the metal door listening to the familiar sound that always brought him comfort. He was home.
He went straight to the bedroom, expecting to find Brian there. But to his surprise, the bed was empty, and it looked as if no one had slept in it. He felt a little upset; had Brian spent the whole night out? Clubbing, drinking, tricking...He had sold Babylon, but Justin knew he still went there as much as always. At least that was what Brian told him.
Sighing, he opened his suitcase and started to unpack. His drawers were still empty and there still was a place in Brian's closet for his things. After taking a shower, he made some coffee and sat on the couch, waiting for Brian to come home. It wasn't the surprise he was hoping for. Brian would come home surely with a major hangover. He was so tired, he decided to close his eyes just for a little bit...
After an hour, he woke up with a start, listening to the alarm clock in Brian's bedroom. Other than that, the loft was in complete silence. It was already 7 AM and Justin was starting to get worried. His lover was workaholic, and would never miss a day at Kinnetik.
Getting up, he put on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and his old sneakers. Drank some coffee, and was heading for the door when the phone rang. Not wanting anybody to know yet he was there, he waited for the answering machine.
“Brian, are you there?” It was Cynthia. “If you are, answer the phone. We have a meeting at 9 with Leo Brown and I don't want you to look like shit all day because you didn't sleep at home. Again.” She waited a few more minutes. “Brian? Oh, shit! You did it. I'm going to Kinnetik now. You better be there on time. ” And she hung up.
Justin sighed. So Brian was making an habit of sleeping out? That was new. Brian always came back to his comfortable bed, no matter what. Since he knew Brian had an appointment at 9, he decided to go to Kinnetik and wait for him. Brian could spend the whole night clubbing, but he wouldn't miss an appointment with Brown Athletics. Eventually he would show up.
When he arrived at Kinnetik things were still calm, since it was early. Most of people started at 9, but he knew Cynthia would be there by now.
“Hi, Phoebe” he said to the girl at the reception desk.
“Mr. Taylor! Good to see you! Home for the holidays?
“Yeah. Wouldn't miss it. Is Brian here already?”
She hesitated, and picked up the phone. “Cynthia, Mr. Taylor is here. Okay.”
Before Justin could say anything, Cynthia came with a big smile.
“Justin! I'm so glad to see you!” She hugged him tight and although he hugged her back, it was strange. Cynthia wasn't affectionate, that's why Brian liked her, besides her obvious efficiency.
“Come with me,” she said, pulling him by the hand and leading him to Brian's office. At the door, she stopped. “Go in. But be careful, he's still asleep.”
“Asleep? Is he all right?” he asked, worried.
“He's fine. He just spent the night here, or so it seems,” she said warily.
“The whole night? He slept here?” Justin couldn't understand. “Why? What happened? Is Kinnetik in trouble?”
“Calm down, Kinnetik's fine, Brian is fine. But... I can't deny I'm a little worried,” she said reluctantly.
“What's happening, Cynthia? Tell me.”
She looked at him, uncertain, as if pondering if she should say anything. “I'm sure he'll kill me if he even dreams we're having this conversation.”
“Cynthia, please, what's going on with him?”
“Well,” she sat down, motioning for him to sit too. “He's been working too much. And we don't need “that” amount of dedication, really. I mean, he was always hard working, and more then often he's the last to go home. But...”she hesitated.
“But...?”
“He's working like crazy, as if he was bankrupt, and sometimes he's so tired that he doesn't even go home. Like yesterday, and the day before. He sleeps here sometimes four nights a week! Hell, he even has a wardrobe hidden somewhere with some of his best suits. And he wakes up looking like shit, screaming at everyone. Not that it's any different from his usual self, you know how he is. But it's so frequent now that it's freaking me out. And today he needs to be at his best. Leo Brown came from Chicago for the new campaign. He is one of our biggest accounts, and we need Brian at his best, you know.”
He nodded. Already knowing the answer he asked, “How long has this been going on?”
Averting his eyes she replies, “Well…I’m not sure I should…”
“Since I moved to New York, right?”
She took a deep breath. “Listen, Justin, this is not my business, okay? I'm just worried about Kinnetik, and Brian IS Kinnetik. And I've been working for Brian for a long time now...I do care about him.”
“I see,” he started to feel a headache approaching. Brian's self-destructive behavior wasn't something he wanted to deal with right now.
“Well, I have to wake him up. It's 8 and he needs to get ready. Do you want to...?” she asked with the shadow of a mischievous grin starting on her lips.
“Oh, of course, allow me.” He forced the headache back. It wasn't time for that now. “Maybe he'll wake up in a better mood for once.”
***************************************
Inside the room everything was dark except for the lamp at Brian's desk. Justin waited a few minutes to adjust his eyes to the lack of light. And then he saw him.
Brian.
Lying on the expensive Italian sofa, curled to one side, one hand still clutching some papers. A bottle of Beam on the floor. Snoring gently, his beautiful mouth slightly opened, so relaxed... And so fucking beautiful. Just like he remembered. He loved to see him sleeping and he would never, ever get tired of looking at him.
Smiling, he approached the man, kneeling next to him. He didn't want to wake him up yet. He took his time to look at his lover, marveling at his peaceful expression. And smelling his scent. It was one of the things he missed the most, Brian's open-mouthed, unashamed kisses...and his unique scent. A combination of cigarettes, his expensive Yves Saint-Laurent cologne, and something else that he couldn't describe, because it was Brian's alone.
Justin was inches from his face, and he kissed Brian lightly on the lips. Brian took a deep breath and smiled slightly in his sleep. “Sunshine” he murmured.
“I'm here.” Justin whispered in his ear. Brian took a sharp intake of breath and his eyes snapped open. Looking at Justin, his brain didn't understand what he was seeing. Then he smiled slowly, saying “You're here.”
Justin smiled as he bent and kissed Brian, long and deep, pouring out all the love that had been stored inside his heart for the last three months. He lost himself in the kiss, trying to show Brian how desperately he missed him.
Brian broke the kiss reluctantly, sitting on the sofa so Justin could seat beside him.
“What happened? Wasn't expecting you until Sunday night.”, he said, an arm around the blond's shoulders.
I missed you terribly, couldn't wait for two more fucking days, do you still love me? Did you miss me too? “I finished my project earlier than I thought, so I decided to surprise you,” Justin said smiling at Brian's hair, all messy from sleep.
“Well, then we'll have two more days together,” he said, bright hazel eyes looking at Justin, making the blond shiver a little. He wanted to kiss him so much...
As if reading his thoughts, Brian kissed him again, this time with a growing intensity born from the many months apart. His arms enveloped Justin's body, and the kiss became even more urgent, until Justin was on Brian's lap. Brian kissed and liked his neck, and Justin felt his dick hardening in response. He licked Brian's tongue greedily, until each had to stop for breath..
“A surprise, indeed,” said the brunet, looking distractedly at his watch. “Fuck! Eight-thirty?! Leo Brown is coming at nine, and I'm sure I look like shit.” He released Justin, rested their foreheads together for a second and got up. “I'm sorry, Sunshine, you know how much I would love to welcome you properly.”
“You never look like shit. Want some coffee?” Justin offered .”I could get it for you.”
“Thank you, Sunshine. But don't forget to hide your boner,” he whispered as he entered the bathroom, kissing Justin once more.
Justin tried to muster every unpleasant thought he could to get his dick soft again. After some time, he went to Kinnetik's kitchen, where he waited for the coffee to get ready, chatting with a girl from the Art Department. He grabbed two cups of coffee and some muffins, thinking that Brian would probably refuse to eat. Sometimes he went through the whole morning only with black coffee. When he got back to Brian's office, his lover was already in a well-tailored black suit, cream shirt and a black tie. His hair was wet from the quick shower.
“Do I look hot, Sunshine?” he asked.
“You know, I love your modesty,” Justin laughed, fixing the tie and handling Brian his coffee. “Wanna eat?”
“Nah, I can't”, he replied. “I just have Brown Athletic 's campaign in my head right now. We really need to keep this account.”
“It's a pity. I thought after all this time you'd have something else in your head,” Justin said seductively.
“Oh, believe me, I have. You just wait and see.”
“Promises, promises...” Justin smiled his thousand-watts smile.
Brian couldn't stop himself from smiling too. He kissed the blond again, saying “If you wanna see your mother and the gang, you better do it now, while I'm here. You won't have time or energy to do that after I put my hands on you”. Current Mood: anxiousCurrent Music: Bittersweet Symphony |
| 1:51 am | New Fic: INCOMPLETE Title: Incomplete
Author: anwamane13
Beta: galefan4ever
Timeline: post-513
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: sexual comments, sexual situations (graphic), language
Summary: Brian knows it’s the right thing to do, but it’s hard to let Justin go. Will he fight for their love? Or will he just give up and be incomplete forever?
Disclaimer: I would really love to own these characters, but I don’t. I’m just trying to be at peace with the way the show ended. Prologue
Pittsburgh - August, 2007
Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. The headache was getting stronger, his head was now throbbing with pain. Maybe he should take another painkiller, but he didn’t want to get up. It was a rainy day and his mood was shittier than ever, after spending the whole night awake. In fact, he wasn't in the mood to do anything. He just wanted to stay there, smoking and laying on the expensive Italian sofa. But he had stuff to do.
He couldn’t stop thinking about the way things had happened in his life these past months. But his mind was set, and self-pity wasn’t his thing. “You're all you have, you're all you need,” he thought, sighing and closing his eyes.
He wondered what they would say when they heard the news from Ted. Fuck, he could already see their faces, wrinkled with unnecessary worry. But it would be for a short time; soon worry would be replaced by gossip; they loved to talk about his life, almost always to criticize him. Now would be no different. And Mikey, well, his friend would be upset, but he had his own life to worry about; he would let go after a while. After all, Brian was alright, he was ALWAYS alright. Nothing could bring him down, he was Brian Kinney, for fuck’s sake!
He looked at his watch. Eight-thirty; it was almost time. He turned his face to his desk, looking again at the brown envelope resting there. He had to make sure Ted got these things and sent them where they belonged. Tomorrow, Ted would receive an email telling him the news, and asking for some favors. He trusted the older man would do just as he asked. Then everything would be in the right place. Like Justin’s place was away from him.
Shaking his head, he cursed. He wouldn’t think about him. This kind of shit was for dykes, and he'd rather die than turn into some sentimental fag. Justin was where he was meant to be, and Brian understood all his reasons. He just couldn't live with them. Brian always made his own rules, and he wouldn’t let this roller coaster dictate his life. He wouldn't let himself be caught off guard. It happened once, but it would never happen again.
“About time!” he thought, when he heard the phone ringing. Getting up too fast, he had to fight the dizziness that made him lose his balance. “Shit!” he said, sitting down again. He decided to give it another try, this time getting up slowly, hoping the person wouldn’t give up. But it wasn’t who he was expecting.
“Hi, Bri!” said a familiar voice, as soon as he answered the phone.
“Theodore...what a surprise!” he said sarcastically. “Miss me already?” Ted somehow had grown into his best friend. Well, kind of. Now that Michael was living in the suburbs with Ben and Hunter.
“What time will you be coming today?” Ted asked. It was Saturday, and Brian had the habit of spending the whole morning at Kinnetik, working like a madman. And Ted was always there, saying he didn't want Brian to spend the whole Saturday by himself. So they worked, talked, sometimes ordered lunch. And then Ted left for home, where Blake was waiting for him. And Brian always said he would be going home too, but always ended up staying until late in the afternoon. Or the next day.
“Uhh, I’m not going in today.”
“What? What happened, Bri? Are you all right?” Ted asked, concern showing in his voice.
“Just a hangover, Ted. No need to worry about it.”
“Do you want me to come over?”
“Please, don't. I just got home. Busy Friday night, you know. I just need to sleep.” Well, that wasn’t a lie. He really needed to sleep. The only problem was that sleep would not come, no matter how hard he tried.
“So, you went out yesterday? I didn't see you at Babylon,” Ted asked.
“Babylon is not the only place to go, Theodore.” Since he sold the club, he hardly went there anymore. Too many memories. ”If you know where to look.”
Brian wanted to hang up, he was tired and wanted to get over with it. He didn't like to lie, and Ted's concern seemed real, but he didn't want to talk to anyone right now. So he decided to lie some more. This would satisfy his friend and would buy himself some time to do what he had to.
“In fact, I'm with someone now, he's here and we are about to fuck…”
“Oh...Sorry, Bri. Don't let me stop you. All right then...Bye”.
“See ya.” said Brian.
“Brian...?” Ted asked before Brian had the chance to hang up.
“Yeah?”
“I'm glad you're having a good time...”
“Me too, Ted,” Brian lied again, hating this.
“Are you going to Deb's dinner tomorrow?”
“I don't think so. Have better plans, you know,” Brian said, trying to sound nonchalant as ever.
“See you on Monday, then. Bye, Bri.”
“Goodbye, Ted.” Brian whispered.
He put the phone on the coffee table, but it started to ring again immediately.
“What?”
“Mr. Kinney, it’s Dave, sir. I’m here.”
“Wait, I’ll be right there,” Brian said, hanging up.
He walked to the door, where his suitcase was waiting. No Armani suits or Hugo Boss pants inside. Well, maybe two or three. But mostly regular jeans, T-shirts (he was growing fond of T-shirts lately), socks, underwear. He stopped and took one last look at the loft, the place that screamed his life in every corner, the place that helped him know who he was. And he felt that familiar pang inside his chest again.
Picking up the suitcase, he opened the door, listening to the sound of the metal. He remembered hearing it the night Justin left almost two years ago. Now the loft, along with the blond, would be a memory, at least for the time being. Later…well, the future would take care of itself; there was no point in guessing. Then, he took a deep breath; it was time, and nothing would make him change his mind. Closing the door, he went down the stairs, left the building with decided steps and entered the cab waiting for him outside. And he didn't look back even once.
Current Mood: anxiousCurrent Music: Bittersweet Symphony |